Oof. This is going to be a little hard to say. Well, so far I've only been coming for the pretty pictures. Not sure about the stories, because the writing seems to keep getting in the way. (Wait, how is "story" different from "writing"? Never mind.) One example in this storyline is how, in atarmslength.smackjeeves.com/comics/515486/tunnelrumble-7/, we are bald-facedly told what the spell is, making Ally look dumb in the first panel three comics later and preventing us from being surprised in the panel after that. If you're going to plan out surprises, I suggest you hold back some details until after the reveal. There's a big difference between foreshadowing and spoon-feeding.
I can see where you're coming from with that. But even with knowing what sort of spell it was, she had no idea if two very different beings merged together like that could survive. We don't even know if the mortals that were merged with the rocks can be changed back or if they are still even alive. The spell is probably not meant to use on living things.
For all she knew, the merging process could have killed one or both of them, or worse turned them into something without any resemblence to their normal "selves" ie. their personalities getting fully merged or even lost, which would still have effectively 'killed' the Kiley and Sheila as we know them.
Hey, DD. I have a question about Kiley and Sheila. When they each talk, do they still retain their voices, or do they have some sort of merged voice that they each speak through but maybe with a different accent or tone?
"A good warrior always inspects his weapon first..."
Post by darkwingdork on Jan 13, 2009 13:48:16 GMT -5
Cy: Unfortunately in this case, I had to sort of give the twist away to explain why the magic blast merged the two characters together instead of turning them into stone. Which is why I tried to drop that tidbit as quickly as possible and then move on, hoping the reader would still be surprised with the outcome.
Kaotix hit the nail on the head. Just because a spell can merge a person with rocks doesn't mean it will work the same with other types of combinations. Who knows what would have happened? Plus in something as fast-paced as a fight, you don't have time to analyze everything...
But, perhaps I should try avoid too much foreshadowing in the future. Something to take into account.
Kaotix: I pictured them speaking in something resembling their normal voices, perhaps a little deeper. I suppose this issue could have been avoided if I had given them two heads....
DWD, I think that hiding the exact nature of the spell would have benefited the plot. Had that happened, the protagonists could have gone, "Wait, why did that statue spell merge those two?" Then they'd look smart when they realized, "Hey, it must primarily be a merging spell, and the other victims are merged with rocks!" Then the elf joke could have followed. Done this way, the accidental merging of two characters would serve a purpose. As it is, "Kaila" is a pointless self-indulgence. (Granted, it's a pointless self-indulgence I enjoy looking at, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer it to be written better.) On a slightly tangential topic, there's too much talking during the fighting. I mean, it can be done well, but... loudly declaring "Ack! Misfire!" upon being punched? Saying something intelligibly (such as someone else's appropriate catchphrase) while you're breathing fire? I don't expect Borg-level organization, but at least give the characters actions reasonably appropriate for the situation.